Pet Peeves

So I have several pet peeves that I run into at work a lot. Number one, when I ask a customer how they are, instead of actually letting me know how they are, they say, "grande coffee", or, "venti pumpkin spice latte." or something else like that. And so I ask again how they are, they say, "oh, no, that's all." so I tell them their total and they pay, and I try for the third time to ask, and they are say, "what?" and I repeat it, and they say, "what?" I say it the 3rd time, and then they get it, and tell me fine or good or something. But the funny thing is, when I ask them if they want room for cream, they hear perfectly fine. Why is that? Why is it so hard for people to hear a simple, "how are you?"? I've come to the conclusion, that when it comes to customer service jobs, customers are just there for themselves, and don't realize we actually care. And I know that usually at places like fast food joints or other places like target or ross, they don't ask you how you are. They just ask what they can get for us. So i think people are so used to that mentality that they don't realize that there actually people out there who do care about how they are doing, even if it's rare.
Another thing is, people don't trust us to do our job right. They are always repeatedly asking us the same questions about their drinks. When they order, they see us writing down the order, so the bar person can get it right, (cause we can't read minds yet. Shocker!) and so they order something like, "grande nonfat decaf pumpkin spice latte." and then they go down to the pick up place to get it, and decide to question you there. first if there is another drink before theirs like an iced latte they'll say, I wanted that hot! and we have to tell them it's not there's. and they'll say, 'well just make sure it's hot.' (i want to say well it is a hot cup, but I'm going to make it cold") and so i make their drink and give it to them, and they say, "is that decaf?" and i tell them of course it is, but really i want to tell them, "no it's not decaf, I made it full caff just so you'll become more crazy, and i don't really know how to do my job, even though I'm the MANAGER, so would you like to come back here and make it yourself?" but that's not really nice to say, so I just hold it inside and act all sweet to them.
I could go on with more stories, but I'm not going to, because i don't want this to be 10 pages so I'll stop there. But really that's only a few of the customers. I have a lot of nice ones too. And I just have to remember that I'm here for them, and I can't let the bad ones ruin my day, and most importantly I'm at work for God, and I just have to remember that. He's the only one that I'm there for. Nothing else matters. and knowing that and remembering that will impact my day and make it more enjoyable for me and everyone around me. Because I care so much about the people I work with. That's probably why when I don't have to work, I'm usually there too. haha.

Heartache, and disbelief

So this past week I've had to deal with things I've been reluctant to deal with. I found out about a year ago that there has been damage in our family when I was growing up. But of course I ignored it and didn't confront the parent that did all this. I just hoped by not talking about it, it would go away. But of course it didn't go away. and it has come to the point where i have to be strong and admit the truth. The truth that my sisters are not lying, and even if it means getting cut off from my parents, I have to do the right thing. The truth is, God is the only parent that I need. He will always be there for me. He will never let me down, and he will always protect me from things i cannot handle on my own. Yes it will be painful, and it will be so hard, and it will take a long time for me to heal, but I know with God's help and my incredible sisters and friends it will get better. So pray for me and my family. Pray for God's restoration and healing to pour onto us. And if you do want to know the details you can certainly ask me, and I can tell you, but only if you really really want to know, because honestly it's hard. Because we all need people and we all need someone to share our heartaches with us so we don't become isolated and alone. and just so you know, I am always here if you need someone to talk to.

new chapter

Well as some of you know, today i became the Starbucks manager at Bashas. It was bittersweet to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I was eventually hoping to become manager someday but I was not excited to see my manager go, and I was definitely not prepared. There is still a lot of stuff I don't know about the job, and there a lot of things I need to learn. But  I do have incredible co-workers standing behind me, ready to help me out whenever I need it. My store director Juan is seriously one in a million, and probably one of my favorite managers I have ever had in my work life, which is saying a lot, because I have had incredible bosses over the years. What makes Juan different is that he cares for his members and will look after them and not take advantage of them. Two weeks ago I was attending a wedding and had the day off, and there was someone who didn't show up for their shift and so there was only one person working the Starbucks on a very busy day, Juan could have easily called me in, but instead told everyone not to call me at all, because he knew this day was important to me. That really meant a lot, especially because my previous store director would have called me anyways. My previous director said he cared about me, but he knew I would do anything for him and would work whenever he wanted me to, and he used it to his advantage, which i didn't realize until a few years later. But that's where Juan's different. He won't do that, which I really appreciate.
So even though I'm extremely terrified as I start this new chapter in my life, I know God will take care of me, and I know there's a reason as to why He put me into the position of manager. I just don't know why yet, but He has always been faithful to me, even when i don't deserve it whatsoever, which is 100% because honestly who really does deserve Gods love and grace? No one does, but God gives it to us just the same. He will always be faithful to us. We just have to trust Him. :) I have definitely stopped trying to predict what He's going to do next, because just when I think I have it all figured out, God surprises me and does it how I least expect, but it's always the better way. It's very humbling to say the least.

serious. and

Recently I was told that I probably connected well with kids. When I inquired as to why they would say that, they replied, "because when you get all excited, you act just like them." I have to admit that stung a little. But it did get me thinking. Does everyone see me that way? Do I act childish and obnoxious and immature? Do any of my friends take me seriously? I know I'm joyful and get excited easily over the little things in life when other people don't. Is that why nobody takes me seriously anymore? Cause they see me as an excitable child? Do I need to grow up and act all calm and collective and reserved from now on? How do I change who I am?
I shouldn't. God made me the way I am and I shouldn't change that. He loves me for who I am. Who cares what others think? I shouldn't. Which is actually easier said then done considering I'm a huge people pleaser and constantly try to go out my way to please people and make sure they are happy. Which I'm trying to work on not doing so much, cause its not healthy to either people involved. It just asks for dependency on me and makes me run into the ground. I will still be joyful with others, but not go out of my way overly please them. And i will still get excited over little things but it doesn't mean I'm childish and immature. So if you don't like me for who I am, than please tell me, and we won't have to hang out anymore. But if you do legitimately enjoy my company, let me know. it's nice to have that affirmation and reassurance sometimes. It lets me know I'm not a total screw up.

The lost hope (sneak peek....)

"The wind moves swiftly through the lleaves that have floated to the ground giving sign that winter was on its way. The wind is in a hurry anxious to finish the days work in order to finally rest before the storms come, for it would have no rest during the season of snow and ice. As it passes through the mass of trees it makes it way to the land of water hoping to cross the vast sea before sunset, for once the moon rises, dark things would awaken and rule the night, and the wind did not want to participate this time, not after the previous time. The wind shivers at the mere memory of that fateful moment. the moment that changed the course of time, that made fate rethink its entire being. Although there is peace and calmity at the prestent time, very soon would a darker time come and the wind feared there was no hope, no hope that would rise up and take on the evil darkness..... or is there? Is the wind giving up too easily? "


Ok, what do ya'll think? do you think i should finish the story, or is it a lost cause? let me know. :) if you all like it, i will write more. be completly honest.  :)

a few things i love about my friends 2

I love how passionate you are about God, and how you want to share that with everyone and aren't ashamed of it. I love how much you love Jill and are such a fantastic husband to her. I couldn't have given my best friend up to anyone else. I love how you like to cook pancakes and various other foods for other people and let them eat it all. I love how we bonded on french fries and that our friendship got deeper than that. I love how you're willing to drive your friends around with no problem.

I love your gentle sweetness, your quiet kindness. How modest you are in everything. I love how talented you are in everything you do. i love how you are willing to help everyone with anything. i love that you can act silly with me and you dont mind what others think.

I love how you made a bangerine. i love how you always put up with your brother's endless teasing patiently, and how willing you are to help him out. i love all the random drawings you have in your little noteboook.

i love your dreads, i love how you pour your life into getting to know everyone around you and how evident you love others with God's love. I love how willing you are to listen to me and how you are always there when i need a shoulder to cry on. thank you so much for always being there for me.

I love how patient you are with everyone. i love how you were able to follow God in moving here. that takes a lot of faith and i'm so glad that you did cause it gained me a friend. I love the joy thats on your face whenever your talking about Nathan or Adam and its very evident how much you love them. I love how willing you are for people to always be around you vying for the attention of your son. I know that must get draining at times, but you handle it so well and i admire you for that.

I love how hardworking you are. i love the way you are willing to work for anyone and you bend over backwards to help them out. i love how you've put up with me for the last 24 years and loved me no matter how weird, bossy, gross, or just plain annoying i can be. thanks for being you.

most of all I love that all of my friends love me for who I am and are always there for me no matter what and i know we will be friends forever. I love all of you so much and no matter where God takes any of us in the future please know that i will always love you and you will always have a place in my heart.

a few things i love about my friends 1

Sorry I didn't write about everyone. I love every one of my friends the same and wish i had written about all of you.


I miss the way that your eyes light up when you laugh. I miss the talks we had. I miss your emails. I miss the gentle way you would talk to others. I miss the fun we had hanging out. I miss the made up games we played. I miss how I could truly be myself around you, and how i could tell you what was on my mind and you would listen and give me advice and always be there for me. I miss our talks about God and how we shared prayer requests almost weekly. I love how  you are passionate about your family and make to spend quality time with them and how your younger siblings love you as an older brother. I miss you so much.

I love how you laugh at me when i find silly things funny. I love how you can go up to people and just talk to them. I love how creative you are with your hands and can make beautiful things out of wood and how super modest you are with them. I love how you pretend to be full of yourself and how you pretend to have a big ego, but really you're caring and thoughtful and serious. I love how you show affection to your mother and how obvious it is you love her. I love how responsible you are and how you make sure to get your work done before play. I like how you smoke pipes with Seth and how it reminds me of Lord of the Rings, and how you can smell the smoke in the cup you're drinking out of, and i pretend to hate the smell but actually don't mind the smell. I love how even though you pretend to hate hugs, you actually like them and are willing to give them out. I love how you love God with all you're heart and you express that every day. I will miss you this summer.

I love the way you care about others and listen to their problems and you always have words of wisdom to offer or an encouraging smile. I love how you always put up with my sillyness and still love me for it. I love the way you smile when you're laughing on the inside at me. I love that you waited for the right man before dating and getting married to dustin, even though the whole world finds that strange to wait that long. But that's what makes you special and incredible. I love the way how God is the center of your life and your marrige. I love how your life reflects the love of Christ, and how it shines out onto others. Never change.

I love that even though you pretend to hate everything and everyone, you are the exact oppisite and you care about everyone. I love the way you make fun of me and when i pretend to be mad you hug me and apoligize. I love how hard working you are. I love that you're not afraid of hanging out with all girls even if you do complain about it. I love that you actually like that i get scared easily and that you missed it. I love how you smoke pipes with Eddie and how you both remind me of characters out of Lord of the rings.  I love how you'll let me try things that you are currently using/eating/drinking/smoking without batting an eye. I miss you when you're at school.

I love the way you care about your friends and how you are so thoughtful in everything and think everything out  and it reminds me i should do that more often. I love how you can write songs and aren't afraid to share them. I love how you are passionate about dancing and teaching people to appreciate it too. I love how knowledgeable you are and how even though you are young you are wise beyond your years. I love that you can be silly with me. and how you will do spur of the moment things with me even if its crazy, and drives others crazy. I love how your family has taken me under their wing after jill got married. I love how your family just adopted me. I love that even though it can sometimes confuse me you are so careful with germs.

I love that you trust me to enough to share your secrets with me. Most people think that becasue i'm kinda silly that i can't keep secrets and will just blab them. I love that you love me unconditionally no matter what i do. I love that you'll laugh hystericly with me while everyone just shakes their head. I love how you care about your friends and are there for them. I love how kids just love you. You are a great little sister and great friend.

I love the nickname you came up with for me. I love how you care what I do in my life with my career and that you want me to find someone who will make me happy for the rest of my life. I love how we can have a blast together. I love the way you always have a paper clip on every one of your shirts. I love that even though you say your brothers drive you crazy, you love them and take time for them. I love how special you treat your girlfriend. I love that your enthusthiastic with everyone and you love everyone so much, and will do almost anything for them. I sorely miss you.

I love that you took me in as part as your family. I love how much you love God and how evident it is when you're talking and praying. I love how you encourage others to do the same. I love how hilarious you are and how you tease your family but make it clear how much you love them. I love that you call me your daughter and are excited to see me whenever i come over. I am proud to call you my Tio.

I love the way you take care of your family, and how much you do for them. I love how hospitible you are to everyone and how you welcome everyone in like they are a part of the family. I love the caring way you treat everyone. you are one of the sweetest people i know. I am proud to call you my Tia.


I love how you are not ashamed of being a nerd. I love how you made a bow tie out of wood. I love how you become friends with everyone and how quickly you get them to love you without trying.

(to be continued.....)

sand :)

I wrote this over a year ago and just rediscovered it. :)


Sand is so incredible. If you look at it, its granules are so rough and coarse. But if you take it and heat it and let it cool, you make the most beautiful smooth glass.
That's what God wants to do with us, too. Before we know Christ, we are coarse and rough and don't feel beautiful. But then when you are saved by God's grace, He takes you and makes you beautiful - from the inside, which is what counts the most.
The world is a dangerous place. It's like a whirlpool. If you're not careful, it will suck you in. It offers all these seemingly beautiful and wonderful things and tells you lies. The more you have, the more you'll be happy. And, if you look the perfect way you are bound to get the love of your life. But none of those things matter. Somewhere deep inside of you, you'll feel empty and that there's a vast void. There's something missing.
That thing that's actually missing is God. And He's crying out for you. He wants you in His life. He's waiting patiently for you to realize He's there and that He's the only thing you really need in your life. And once you invite Him in, you will feel peace. And He will give you joy and everlasting life. You'll get to spend eternity with Him. He built a mansion just for you. And you will see all your friends and loved ones. It will be the greatest thing imaginable.
Imagine your best day ever. Remember how memorable and fantastic it was, and just wishing it could last forever? That's what heaven's like, only a trillion times better and it will never end. Isn't that incredible to think about?

I know i haven't posted anything in an uber long time so i think it's time to change that. lots have changed since my last post. For one thing, I got braces and switched careers. The braces took a little time to get used to. i ate mostly soft squisy stuff that felt good to my teeth and it took a few weeks to actually work up the courage to shove harder substances into my mouth. But i took a walk on the wild side and now i can even eat cheez-its! sucess. but the sad thing is i  have to eat most everything in small bites. i even eat my pizza with a knife and fork. I feel like my mouth has aged into an old prissy lady. :) haha oh well. It will be worth it when they are taken off. my mouth will feel free and like a kids again. and the first thing i will eat will be ice and apples. yes ice. i know it's super bad for you, but its super yummy and i miss it like the grass misses the soft patter of the rain, after being deprived of any nourishment, due to the heated desert and it's sun and the absence of any liquid.
As for my career change, it took a lot to do. not physically but emotionally. for several months, even maybe a year, I was doing a lot of praying and thinking about my career. I felt like i was in a rut and i was miserable everyday coming to work. the minute i would start work i would start counting down the hours till i went to lunch and then the hours until i could go home. it was a lonely miserable process. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely looooovvvveee the people i worked with but the actual job was making me miserable, and i think it showed no matter how hard i tried to put on a happy face and do my job the best i could. but the truth of the matter was i had to get out. and i think it was for the best. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. And really i think i did the right thing. its funny, but as soon as I left the bank, they started to get much busier inside the branch and especially in the drive thru. In some way it was almost like God was assuring me that i did the right thing by leaving because it had been super slow when i worked there.
As for my new job, I went back to Starbucks inside of Bashas shopping center. I had worked there previously and had left late 2009 because of my paticular store closing in dove mountain. The one i work in now is in catalina and its super busy which i love! my manager is someone i previously worked with (and i had actually trained) and i love working with him. He is a blast and a half. So laid back and jokes around with me so it kinda feels like he isn't my boss, which i love. When I first started i was kinda on edge cause i thought i would get in trouble for messing up or a least a frowny face telling me what i should have done better and how to fix it. But he doesn't yell at me at all. He just says, "oh don't worry about it, it happens." and in some way that helps me learn faster and better.  it's a huge relief. and such a great environment. the hours are only part time for now, but i'm trusting God and I know he will help me out, and who knows, I might just get a promotion one of these days. you never know. I guess you'll find out. SUSPENSE!!! another great thing about my boss is, he is a christian and its so cool to be able to talk about God with Him and what we both are going through.  I really feel like God has blessed me so much with this. a lot of people which include my old customers and even some of my friends question me as to why I left a good career and more pay to work a grocery store. But you know what? I feel like its to work a place where you love with less pay, than to work in a place you don't like with more money. also it allows me to trust and depend on God so much more in my life. I am also more free to talk to people about God, as i have more interaction with people now. But please pray that i'll be able to be bold and witness to people even if its not how i expect it to be. God is good.

                                                        Me with braces

weddings and prisions

Almost a week has gone by since Jill and Dustin tied the knot. Life has calmed down from all the flurry of activities that were going on for a few weeks. the last few days preparing were fun. I was chosen to be Jill's personal assistant, and had a blast driving her around on Thursday gathering last minute things. The sparklers we found out weren't going to arrive on time, so we had to find an alternate solution. we called a couple places and bam! we found some at the gaslight theater costume shop of all places. Next came the programs and booklets. there were a lot of those to fold and put together which was done friday before and after rehearsal dinner. the booklets were kinda a pain because we had to poke holes in the middle and pull string through and tie bows in it. very time consuming but worth it! Finally Saturday came, the big day! we got to the church around 10:00 and almost immediately I was sent on errands. I had to get the bride food and fake nails. But than i got to get ready myself after that. :) the wedding was beautiful. One of the best i've been too. They made a fantastic point of saying at the  beginning of the service that it wasn't just a wedding but a  worship service too.very neat. I cried buckets of tears. it was so beautiful. :) The reception was gorgeous too. there was tons of great food such as crackers and cheeses and french fries and fruit and cheesecake and cupcakes! I was so full by the time it was over. We also danced a lot. the only thing i missed which i'm still bummed about was the cake cutting. I was in the restroom for that and so mad at myself for that. oh well. can't stop nature. The evening ended on a great note by sending them off with sparklers and off they drove into the sunset! it was then that i realized how tired i was and had to decline going to applebees and instead got to spend a nice quiet relaxing evening with the amazing Hawkins family, whom i absolutely adore! I did have a ton of cheesecakes left so if anyone wants any, just let me know. I can hook you up with some. :)

On a different note, you all probably remember how i  said i had to get braces. well today i got them! i showed up to the orthadontist half an hour late (they told me 12:30 but it was really supposed to be 12) and they put my teeth in molds than they put this horrible mouth seperater thingy in where you can't swallow! and then finally they put the brackets and wires on! i had heard horror stories where they would hurt a lot, but it wasn't bad at first. i felt fine! but now my bottom teeth hurt a bit. plus there are foods i won't be able to eat. the most sad ones are ice and gummy worms! i live on ice! poor teeth. it's like they are in prison and ice is right there in front of them but they just can't quite reach them, and won't be able to have access to ice till they are free from the prison cells. i guess there are worse things they could keep from me, like lasagna. good thing they didn't or else i would surely sue. haha not really but maybe i would. oh well, the end process will be worth it im sure! than i can eat all the ice i want. :)

cheesecakes galore

So I think i've mentioned before, jill and dustin are getting married and for their wedding they asked me to make some mini cheesecakes. basically just cheesecake bites. i've done it before so its no big deal. I had to make 250 in all. so i only had 1 pan, and i knew that would take me at least 10 hours to do it with just one pan. so Dustin was kind enough to get me all the supplies! he got me 2 pans, and cream cheese and milk and eggs and chocolate chips and butter and grahm crackers! it's was super great! plus he crushed a lot of the grahm crackers which in its self is a huge weight off my shoulders. so thanks dustin! it was a cheesecake party! i only got halfway done last night, and tonight i was able to finish them. I ended up making 288 just in case. and i had just enough batter left to make another big cheesecake. so whoever wants it can have it. Now i must say for now, i never want to make another cheesecake in my life, well at least not that many in two nights! 6 hours is not fun to spend on so many cheesecakes. but it was kinda fun. We had people over last night  and watched movies while doing it, so it was fun. marissa and jill worked on wedding crafts and dustin crushed things and ellie helped watch the movie so it was a good group effort! :)
So on sunday it finally really hit me that Jill was actually getting married and moving out. and it hit me hard. I've lived with her for nearly 5 years and it's been such a good adventure. Shes such a good friend to me, actually my best friend and i know i can come to her for anything, and i guess i'm just really going to miss having her here with me in the house. I know I'll still get to see her from time to time, and we'll still get to hang out, but it won't be the same. she's going to be in a new phase in her life, one that i haven't reached yet. And i know for a while it's going to be hard to get used to this change, but I know it's going to be a good change. I know God's going to help me through it. Our friendship won't get weaker or be weirder, it will just be new phase. One I know i'll get used to. I am so excited for Jill. Really I am. I'm so glad she found Dustin. He is such a good Godly man, and I know he will treat her so well. I know God's got great things for them planned, and i'm excited to see where life is going to take them! So congratulations Jill and Dustin!

babies and rocker hair. :)

So my good friends Allie and Adam had a baby the other day, and let me tell you how cute he is! We went and saw him at the hospital, and he was oh so precious. He was all bundled up in a blankie like a little burrito, and he was just so perfect. he was kinda having a hard day, because a couple times they had to unrap him and look him over. so he was kinda mad about that so when you were holding him, his tiny little lip would quiver just a bit while his eyes were closed in anticipation of finally getting some peace so he could sleep. I just love babies so much, and I could go on and on about them but for your sakes i won't. :)
after the time at the hospital i went to see my sister at her school and was her model. just a little background info for you. She goes to beauty school so she likes to practice on me, whenever possible especially when it's free. I do like the free part. So anyways in school they are learning about electricity and how to do it on hair, so i was her guinea pig and she spiked my hair all over and did my makeup to look like a rocker chick. I had a lightning bolt on my head and black and yellow lips. it felt like i was there forever but it was worth it because it actually turned out quite cool. Than one of her teachers took tons of pictures of all the models. so all in all i was there for 4 hours. I told you, it was forever! :) but it was kinda fun driving home. I didn't really look at the cars next to me because i was kinda chicken, but as i was pulling out i saw this old man in a car and he looked at me, and took a double look, and he kinda looked freaked out. it was kinda funny. :)
I got home and it took 3 shampoo applications to get all the hairspray out. 2 1/2 bottles of hairspray were literally in my hair. no joke. But i rewarded my self with a 4 hour nap and it was wonderful.
Ooh did i tell you? Jill and dustin were given a couch for their wedding and they set it up in my house because for the first couple months or so they'll be renting a furnished house, and won't have room for it, so it's in mine! (we had to put the other couch on the back porch). and oh its oh so wonderful! it's one of those half circle/square couches and it's so comfy! I was so excited about it that i slept on it last night and had one of the best night sleeps, plus i took my 4 hour nap there! Best couch ever! I think i found my nap spot. you guys should get one! it will be worth it. :)  oh all this talk of couches and sleep is making me sleepy so i think i'll retire for the night. :) Goodnight world! :)

Me as a rocker chick! don't mess with me. :) j/k
look at that lightning bolt!!!

 "My" comfy couch. isn't it wonderful! look at it!! :)

fairs and naps.

yesterday was a strange day for me. I went to the festival and on the way there i was having a grand ol' time, but i was having a few blonde moments, like when i loaned eli my keys so he could use the screwdriver for his hearing aids, and when he was done he handed them back but i had forgotten i had given them to him, so i said, "oh thanks! where did you find these?" and than was like, "oh, i gave them to you didn't i?" hehe, and also my glasses cleaner case somehow got stuck to my sleeve and i saw it and i was like, "ewww!" and threw it down, but then realized, oh wait that's mine! so i tried for a minute to pick it up and finally got it. I have really short arms. so anyways we get to the festival and for some reason right after we get there, i want to go home, cause i got really tired and kinda bored even though it was fun. for some reason nothing was was entertaining to me. You know how you have those days where no matter how fun and exciting the day is, you just want to go home and sleep? i was having one of those days. i finally decided that i was probably just hungry, but when we ate, i couldn't finish my fries, and that never happens. I got chicken that tasted like fish so that was a downer too. plus the food section we were in didn't have the bread bowls and i really wanted one of those but i couldn't. what finally went right was when i got a slushie orange thing. that was so good. :) the jousting was kinda fun too. although the knight who we were supposed to be cheering for was a bad guy so i decided to cheer for the good guy with the nice hair. Christina looked at me like i was weird for doing so, but i didn't care, and i was right. he won. i mean who couldn't with the perfect hair he had. I was kinda jealous of it, wishing i had his hair. But finally we got to go home, and i tried to get people to race back to the car, but no one did, so i just did it, but while i was doing so, some guy drove by and yelled, "run, witch" which isn't nice. because i'm not a witch. oh well. but i had a nice nap when i got back in the car and realized when i got home, i actually had a great time, and all i really had needed was a nap. so sorry for being grumpy.  i really need to sleep now, it's midnight which is like 2 hours past my bed time, and when it gets that late,  i start rambling on and on and on and start saying loopy things....heheh.. looopy...ok i'm loopy. mmmhhhhmmm, bacon. :)

internet mission

so lately my internet has been acting like it has a mind of its own and has decided to act up and only cooperate when it wants to. I had been using safari, and it was working fantastic. high speeds and quick browsing. But alas it decided it didn't want to friends anymore and started acting like a frenemy to me. I tried everything to win it's complete loyalty back. I deleted cookies and history, did system clean-ups, but it was like nope not going to be your friend. So i sadly decided it was time to call it quits and cut the cord. If it wouldn't play nice, neither would I. so i killed it. I extracted it from my computer and got rid of it. So i decided to give firefox and internet explorer another chance, but they were worse to me. i think they remembered how i kept getting rid of them too. and they wouldn't take me back. they were just painfully slow. so i searched online, "fastest internet explorer" and the top result was Opera. I had never heard of this guy before, but i read reviews and he seemed like a nice choice so i picked him. I downloaded it and at first it was slow, so i decided to restart my computer, and viola! its pretty fast and i'm happy with my new friend. Unless he decides to betray me sometime down the road. But until that day comes, i'll just have to stick with him. :)

painting

                                                   I think I got more paint on me than the wall.. haha oh well

Last night me my friends Marissa, Ellie, Jill, and Dustin went to our friends Allie and Adam's house to paint and it was great fun. we started off by eating delicious lasagna, salad and cookies, and then went on to paint. we painted green and tan. very beautiful colors. their house is going to look fantastic. Well anyways i was doing so good at not getting any paint on me when ellie and i got into a paint war. needless to say, she won, and i got paint on my pants, shirt, face, and arms. after painting she tried getting me to get her back, but i didn't want to  give her the satisfaction, so I said something like, "i'm not going to put pants on her...." meaning to say, "im not going to put paint on her pants. (yeah i can't really talk) and it just made Ellie and me burst out laughing so hard and we couldn't stop. I think we were laughing for 15-20 min straight and no matter what anyone said we couldn't stop. we just kept laughing more and more. It was so fun because i have not laughed that hard in ages and if felt so good to be that happy.
moving on, today i went to the orthodontist office and they decided i needed braces (which I do) so i'll be getting those on march 1st. I'm both reluctant and excited, because i'll have a ton of metal in my mouth making me look geekier then ever but it will really help my teeth. :) i guess we'll see how it works out.

valentines day

the wind howls giving warning to the storm coming to rage its fury against the earth. I ponder as the rain pours down what it represents, and i come to this conclusion. It represents all the singles alone and sad on this day of love. This day is all about love and romance and everywhere they go it's shoved into their faces that another year goes by without a special someone. and the clouds are expressing their pity by crying on earth for us. I must admit i've had those years, those years of depression where yet another year goes by and i'm still alone. where i wonder, is it me? Am i doing something wrong? why am i always so alone.
But this year its different. Yes i still don't have anyone, but this time i don't care. I know a man will not complete me. I realize that all i really need is Jesus and he will give me every I need. He has given me everything I need. I don't need to be dependent on anyone else but Him. and I feel content and peaceful about it. would it be nice to have someone who loves you in romantic way? sure, but i will wait for Gods timing and until it happens i'm going to live my life with joy! :) So Happy Valentines day everyone!!

EMCEE

So tonight was coffee house, and instead of sitting there just listening to the bands, I decided i'd help out in the kitchen. It was very fun. I made a few frappuccinos which i haven't done since my starbucks days but it was easy to pick up. I think having experience really helped me pick it up. But only after like a half hour of doing that without thinking i decided to emcee instead because our original emcee had to take his wife to the hospital. Please pray for them by the way. She's 9 months pregnant and she was having difficulty breathing. So please pray that God will take care of them, which I know He will do, but I think he likes us to ask anyways.
So anyways I jumped in to do emcee. I don't know why I volunteered because I hate talking in front of people, especially people i don't know. But it actually wasn't so bad. there weren't a lot of people there tonight so i think that helped a little bit. And surprisingly i wasn't nervous. I messed up a few times, but who doesn't? and it was actually pretty fun. and it worked out perfectly cause they didn't need me in the kitchen and i still got to help out. It was weird, because this was the very last coffeehouse that Jill and Dustin will still be single. The next coffee house, they'll be MARRIED! so weird. But don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy and excited for them and I CANNOT wait until they do get married! :)  Ok I'm super sleepy, so i'm going to go to sleep now. :)

one thing

one thing people really need to know about me is i tend to keep people at an arms length. I don't mean to but I think i do it cause i don't want to get hurt. It's hard opening up and letting people know all of you. that's why i created this blog, because it's easier to express myself in writing than it is in person. That and also when i'm with people i get all confused and tongue tied when trying to talk about whats going on with my life, and it's so easy to do it on paper. if that makes sense. its like i can't really put into words what i'm trying to say and my brain and mouth don't really coordinate well, but my brain and hands do, if that makes sense.
so i was reading in mark today and realized the author say immediately so many times. maybe its just the translation but i never noticed how many times he said  it. check it out.

the danger of what-ifs

so I was at work daydreaming, which i do very often because i'm back there all by my self and my mind started wondering to what ifs. What if i won the lottery, what if i were born in a rich family, what if i had a better job? than i was thinking, what if i hadn't been born into a christian family, what if i was from a country where i wasn't able to worship God freely, what if i had no friends? Then I thought, i should be thankful for what God gave me and not take him for granted. He gave me a roof over my head, a good job, amazing friends and family, and Jesus in my life, and freedom to worship Him freely and spend as much time with Him as I want. But why is it, when we able to do that, we neglect Him, and only call on Him when we are going through harder times? He calls us to worship Him and follow Him with all of our hearts, but do we do that? No. it's only half-heartedly or only sometimes. I know because I am going through that too. But everyday i'm working on making my relationship with Him better. It will take time but i'm willing to strive for that deep relationship with God. I've fallen out of the habbit of reading my bible everyday but i'm working on getting better at reading it every night before going to bed. God is so good, and so patient with me. He will always be there for us no matter what happens.